Being a body painter is a whole world of fantastical fun, you get to see your visions come to life and you get to turn yourself and others into different people/things with a lick of paint. It’s not all fun and games though, here are ten things you find out once you start body painting.

1. Glitter glitter everywhere

Glitter is Risky Business

If you drop a pot of glitter…game over

There’s nothing like adding a little sparkle to your designs, but there’s a reason it’s known as the Hippie Herpes, you can never get rid of it, NEVER!!! The only known cure is to burn down your flat with everything you own in it, and you’ll probably still find one of the sneaky sparkly bastards has smuggled itself out in your hair to follow you round til the end of time.

2.Everyone wants to be a model…

Body Paint Modelling Reaction

It doesn’t seem so fun when you break out the nipple pasties

…until they realise whats involved. People will constantly offer to be models for your paintings usually quite excitedly until they discover that they need to stand/sit still in an awkward position for a million hours wearing a couple of nipple pasties and a g-string while someone paints every “nook and cranny”.

3. Being asked to do kids parties

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Imagine that all over your brushes…gross

People seem to mix up body painting and face painting and just assume that you would be able to (and have some kind of desire to) do kiddies face painting at their darling six year old Hugo’s birthday party for 100 of the screaming snotty buggers. Children’s face painting is an art form all of it’s own and the people that do it have their own unique set of skills and kit, and I’m pretty sure darling Hugo and his chums don’t want to be turned into the cast of the walking dead.

4. It stinks

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Mmmmmm the beautiful aroma of shitrus

If you ever had the joys of smothering on latex or brewing up gelatine then you’ll know that nothing makes you want to put a peg on your nose more than that unusual aroma. Yum, smother that fishy latex all over your face.

5. Finding hair in places you never knew it existed

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Ouuuuuccccchhhhh!!!!

Turns out your whole body is covered in a layer of fine hair, you get the pleasure of finding that out the first time you remove latex from your skin which will give you your very own home wax. You’re face will be smoother than a baby’s butt and you’ll panic that it will grow back thicker like everyone always tells you and you’ll end up with a career as a bearded lady.

6. Stains

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No I don’t look slightly green, it must be the lighting in here…

Certain colours and certain products will leave you slightly stained. There’s nothing quite like having to go out rocking a faint green glow from the paint you did the day before. Luckily as a body painter you’re probably skilled in the art of painting yourself back to a more human shade.

7. More Stains

whathappenedhere

The usual, painted myself then touched everything

Your towels, your clothes, your walls, your sofa, your computer…pretty much everything you own will end up with paint on it (or is that just me?). Multi coloured finger prints will be hiding around your flat like some kind of decorative feature. Luckily it washes off pretty easily, but you kind of get used to going to flick on a light and seeing a blue thumb print on it.

8. You missed a bit

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What do you mean I’ve got blue paint in my ear? I spent an hour in the shower dammit!

Clean up is never easy, the easiest way to do it if you don’t want your sink and surrounding area to turn into a rainbow is to take a shower but you are guaranteed to miss a bit. No matter how many times you wash your ears somehow magically there will still be a bit of paint hiding out in there.

9. Party Time

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Playing dress up as grownups is a million times more fun

Fancy dress party? Halloween? Anything involving any kind of dressing up is going to have your friends and family reaching for your phone number. Playing dress up with friends is so much fun, unfortunately unless you have the foresight to do yourself first you’ll probably end up running out of time as you try and make everyone else look amazing. But who cares when you get to look at their glorious faces all night.

10. Disasters

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“Noooo! That was supposed to be white (Mykie from Glam and Gore Popart Zombie)”

It’s a hard graft, and not every piece you do is going to come out perfectly, in fact you’ll end up with a fair share of disasters (if you don’t believe me check out my instagram where you can see all my successes and failures). There’s nothing like going to put the finishing touches on a look and accidentally using the wrong colour and destroying all that hard work. Then there’s all the times you took pictures of your final piece only to notice that you forgot to put on your falsies/missed out a bit of your design/didn’t paint your neck or ears. Not forgetting taking your pictures to discover that the lighting makes it look blotchy or that you simple forgot to put the memory card in *facepalm*.

What did I miss?

Body painting is amazing fun and I’m sure all of you guys have got your own things that should be on this list, let me know in the comments so I can have a chuckle about your adventures.